(Editor’s note: These “narratives” were based on a process of fusing together disparate fragments of story and dialogue encountered while channel surfing. The inspiration for this project was the early Surrealist practice of wandering in and out of movies in progress, allowing the different film fragments to merge into one hybridized narrative.)
What caused this devastating accident? Members of the press, Mr. President, home and garden television, the police, financial planners, corporate offices, Afghan forces, a second bottle of Orange Glow—a $20 value for the $12.99. It seems I’m dealing with a very cool customer. It’ll be a pleasure doing battle with you, new guy—if in fact you are a new guy. How long have you been in town? Would you like to go for a drink? We don’t have to go for a drink. You could always come home and stay with us, but in combat you can never be sure that you’re risk free. Take for instance the instant food processor. The moment you tap down, six carbon-steel blades slice your food perfectly. They cleverly rotate, chopping up everything from onions to grass with awful trimmer lines. But that will never, never work. It will be burning like a can or bottle of hairspray with game show hosts grinning in hideous plaid leisure suits, watching closely….
Meanwhile the disciples were saying to Jesus, “Hallelujah, it’s raining men! Amen!” Sailor men in their dandy outfits were blocking pedestrian traffic. And the men fell to their deaths like unguided missiles into their own people. They would talk about conversion and renewal, but that’s old technology. The homosexual Canadian vampire will traffic the streets from now on, and make sure no one falls into harm’s way. But alas a television reporter was shot and lightly injured when he arrived dead in the morning; the death toll ultimately climbed to 43 on the wheel of fortune….
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