(Editor’s note: These “narratives” were based on a process of fusing together disparate fragments of story and dialogue encountered while channel surfing. The inspiration for this project was the early Surrealist practice of wandering in and out of movies in progress, allowing the different film fragments to merge into one hybridized narrative.)
After Alfred had licked the Danes he didn’t kill them; he had them baptized. The Danes thought that maybe they had been abducted by aliens and the most effective way to get the results they wanted was to begin identifying their specific needs. They started by humming a tune in unison. In doing this they excited all of their pets. The pets were so excited in fact, that the Dances found they were able to ride them around like one might ride a horse. So in a giant stampede the Danes forced their way out into the Sunday dawn yelling, “You’ll see stars and you’ll see cars, but you’ll never catch us on our wild ride!”
Alfred burst into song, his golden locks waving in the wind like a field of maize. The ruler’s leather pants were so tight and his side burns so long that the Dances wouldn’t help but turn to admire him. Alfred sang with all his might, “It’s all yours: Holland, America, and the Caribbean.”
At the end of his song Alfred stopped and addressed his new audience of Dances. “Being the big guy has its advantages: I can get my pet’s medication delivered right to my door, I own a Ford Explorer with a leather interior, and I’m related to Augusto Delgato, but the truth is I’m just not me with you”…
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